2 poems becoming one…

Listen, listen,

listen to

the whispers

of something new stirring…

Subtle echoes on the breeze,

they tumble softly

over and under

one another,

weaving their song,

slowly gaining

momentum

until, no longer

contained

they

burst forth

with shouts of joy!

+

So…

+

I respond to you, aware

that I do so as an

inadequate person,

called to an

impossible task.

You open

the way before me,

and by grace the

un-chartable paths

unfold beneath my feet.

Whilst I inadequate still,

stand in awe

as grace comes

weaving her life

through mine

she draws me forward,

to live

beyond the boundaries

of my knowing.

Picture, spark- mine
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Ten years…

Moving, home 4 times…

Death of my mum…

8 graduation celebrations, one mine..

Marriage of 2 children,

One twice ….(yep)…

Engagements announced by two more.

Birth of 2 grandchildren,

2 divorces, one mine…

More than one brush with death in the family…

Depression,

Self esteem plummets,

And I begin to find myself…

And lose myself…

And find myself….

And God, who is she??? Where is she???

(I have given up on he … mostly)…

New friends made, old ones lost…

The world continues…

I continue

To discover who I am…

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return, and invitation at New Year….

fire falls from the skies,

tears are wept,

resolutions made,

and some ponder their place

as round pegs

in a square peg world…

and the world turns,

tomorrow the year 2020,

another day among days

becomes loaded with significance.

regrets have been voiced,

reflections offered,

and the world turns…

the world turns,

will we turn with it,

towards hope,

towards justice,

towards love and life,

inclusion,

wholeness

and peace,

the world turns,

inviting us to turn,

to return,

to be at home with her,

and with ourselves….

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New years eve, eve…

New Years Eve tomorrow…

A time to reflect,

Take stock,

Ponder what has passed.

A time to ponder turning from what was,

To what might be…

A time to reclaim,

To own honestly what is…

+

New Year’s Eve, eve,

today…

Questions of what,

Questions of why,

Questions without answers today,

Questions with answers unspoken,

Hopes held,

Rekindled….

Hopes formed and unformed…

+

On the cusp of the New Year

We stand…

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Light and shadow…. ( depression, hope and procrastination)

Today I told myself that I would tackle the garden, it needs tackling, but instead I took tea back to bed and slept for another hour, since then I have been mostly procrastinating, messing about on Facebook, and pondering a world where 5 people have been stabbed while celebrating together at the home of a New York rabbi, this only being the latest in a surge of anti-semitic hate crime that is rising globally…. pondering the call out for the cancellation of the traditional firework display in Sydney Australia because to throw fire into the air in a fire torn country does seem to be crazy.

Along with this the constant background “music” of growing international intolerance and the rise of nationalism almost everywhere plays on, the knowledge that we ignore climate change at our peril, simply adds to the tension of our days…. then I heard myself on the radio this morning and wondered what on earth I was thinking when I recorded the piece, it went nowhere, did nothing, but perhaps that is the point, I must admit to feeling useless and overwhelmed, and that can be paralysing.

I take comfort from the fact that I am not alone, while I am a middle aged introverted depressive who potentially spends too much time alone, I know from others that they too carry concerns about the world we currently inhabit, about the politics of our day, about what the future will hold for their children and grandchildren. What we need is hope, so I have been looking for it.

The first bit of hope that I saw today was the announcement that Gretta Thumberg will interview David Attenborough tomorrow, they haven’t met, but he supported her UN speech and she has a deep respect for him, they will of course be looking at the problem of climate change and the ecological climate we find ourselves in. On the face of it they are an unlikely pair but they speak with a unique authority, one that the world needs to hear.

So I dragged myself upstairs and threw myself into the shower, decided that I would change the bedsheets, and have stripped the bed, which means I will have to remake it, fell back down the stairs and completed a bit of a painting and suddenly I am finding hope in myself, and it reminded me that more often than not hope turns up in unexpected ways with unexpected messages.

In amongst the crazy politics of our day there are rays of hope, both Katrin Jakobsdottir, Prime Minister of Iceland and Jacinda Ardern Prime Minister of New Zealand have set forth both environmental policies and fiscal policies that buck the trend of consumerism that so often drives, the fact that they are both relatively young women might be no coincidence, but I will leave that there!

There is hope in the community litter pickers who clean our streets and beaches, hope in small acts of caring, hope in a phone call shared and an encouragement given, hope in a tree planted and a bird fed, hope in a donation to a food bank, and a hug for a homeless man….. and of course there is hope in the story that we tell of God made flesh, God with and not separate from us, a God who feels and bleeds with and for us, inviting us to bring our stories in to history, holding at the possibility that we are all connected after all, both the light and the shadow of us, and I am reminded that without light there would be no shadow only darkness.

Right now I find myself dwelling the shadows of life, both of my making, for I need to work through some stuff, and of life in general, but today I did get dressed, I did a bit of creating, changed the bed clothes and even swept the patio, so I am giving myself a small pat on the back. I am now pondering the possibility of responding to my neighbours invitation to mulled wine and mince pies this evening, and while I am thinking that might be a step too far it might not be…

Sunset on Higger Tor (mine)

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invitation – I will cover my wounds no longer….

Christmas, season of love and light, of possibilities,

God enfleshed, the impossible made possible,

here is my invitation,

come to the corner of my heart that I keep sealed,

for here I need new life,

a spark for the dark recess of my soul,

a flame to set me burning

+

….oh I need that burning,

a fire to consume the dross I hide,

a fire to devour my self loathing,

a flame to transform the heartaches and heartbreaks I try to deny,

and the paralysing shame I mask to many….

+

So I open my heart, and cry come,

come love come light, come holy possibility,

shine your love, in the burning, and help me to receive the word,

“these things will hold you no longer, they have no power when you call them out!”

So I call them “shame”, and I call them”self loathing”,

and I call them broken-hearted wounds”

+

So come here is my invitation,

for only love will cast out fear…

I will cover up my wounds no longer…

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Darkness and death…(Holy Innocents)

This day no amount of light can block the darkness,

As the innocents call out,

Our blood is still on your hands…

Children still suffer,

Trapped terrified in war zones,

Abandoned in camps, caring for others when they need care,

Children are still abused, misused, forgotten…

Innocent lives are marketed and marked for ever…

Scars speak…

Blood is spilled…

Blood spilled is part of the story we tell…

The innocents call to us…

Speak up, speak out…

Darkness and death have entered the festival, so take the light you have,

Hold it in the darkness,

Til love overcomes for all…

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