Memories

Memories,

Joys,

Pains,

Light,

Darkness,

Questions,

Confusions,

Feelings,

Numbness,

Mixtures…

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Memories

Always memories…

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I encounter them

One day at a time…

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Sometimes they clash

Overwhelming me…

And then they pass

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Memories,

Ever with me

Always changing me

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6 years ago….

I stood at the edge

of chaos in the calm light

of the evening,

letting the darkness come,

and it came,

but I was not overwhelmed,

I look back now,

and marvel that I am not just standing,

but somehow thriving,

all has changed,

I have changed, and

I am changing,

learning,

growing,

even loving,

learning to love myself,

learning that I am enough….

that the promise

“all will be well” remains….

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31 years….

31 years ago

I held you

Beheld you,

Perfect,

Of me

Yet not with me,

Mine, yet never mine,…

I named you,

I claimed you,

Then gave you away,

Never held you,

Nor beheld you…

Again…

Always in my heart,

Always, yet never mine,

Life,

Blood,

Water,

Pain…

Hello,

My love,

Good-bye.

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Always in my heart

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Always

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Good…

Listening to falling rain,

Reflecting upon goodness,

Do you call me good?

Can I be good?

Divine whispers echo

In my soul….

You are good,

All is good,

Etched with possibilities,

Yet too often

Veiled in fear filled excuses

That mask our callings…

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You are good,

I hear the truth rumbling

From the depths,

Bouncing from the hill-tops,

Whispering on the breeze….

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You are good….

Never call anything

I have called clean,

Called good,

By any other name….

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You are good…

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Healing time…

Healing is patient,

Healing is kind,

She waits for me to be ready

To receive her gift,

Then comes,

Slowly,

Stealthily,

Surprising me with

Sudden insight,

I am whole yet not whole…

Healing is not rude,

She keeps no records of wrongs,

But she does show me myself, then

Graciously, but firmly,

Calls me

To something more,

Something as yet

Hidden,

But stirring

With possibilities within…

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She allows me to ask

If I am ready for this,

Reminds me how far we

Have travelled,

She has never left me,

Never forsaken me…

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Healing comes,

Gently,

Firmly,

Lovingly…

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Perhaps now

Is the time

To be unbound…

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Holocaust…

On this day,

when, if we remember,

we pause to remember

the word that should

catch in our throats,

and stop our breath,

on this day, as we contemplate all

of the horrors it contains,

let us not be blind to our inconsistencies.

for other horrors lurk

may they not dim in the glare

of this, but allow it to highlight

humanities capacity

for inhumanity….

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still we declare others

unworthy,

unacceptable,

unnecessary…

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on this day,

as we remember

may we be re-minded,

to strive to say again,

NEVER AGAIN,

and in our remembering,

knowing we have already failed

may we stand

to truly face ourselves….

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on this day, may we seek to strive

to find the way of unity

through love…

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Free to be….

Free to be,

cup of tea,

quiet,

candle lit,

purring cat, an empty day before me,

as I turn my mind from chores I could do,

people I could see,

for today I have been set free to be,

by people who care for me,

a gift.

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so, inevitably I guess,

the guilt creeps up behind me,

tapping me on the shoulder,

but I will not entertain it.

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another cup of tea….

(why not….?)

and a walk,

or a swim,

a book to read…

or none of these…

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so I seek the quiet within,

and let myself sink

into it,

slowly,

care-less-ly

today, I am free to be….

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